The Tilt Room » Rants

Live Poker is RIGGED

Jim — Thu, 14 May 2009 04:17:34 +0000

OMFG I was playing a $2/$5 game at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas like a couple days ago and I’m so sure something was fishy there. One hand says it all. I’m holding P3’s and decide to limp into the pot in late position alright? Five people see a flop which puts $27 in the middle, and the flop comes AJ3. Sick beautifulness WOOPPAAAA!

Everyone checks to me and I bet out, $20. One Belgian guy who I later found has a poker blog called Sven’s Tight Poker Tips calls my bet and we see the turn which comes a seven. Still no draws out there, and Sven checks to me. I bet out $55 into a $67 pot, and get called again. The pot is now up to $177 which was good for me as I wanted to be able to move about $120 at the end anyway.

The river hits another seven, a great card for me — especially when all of a sudden Sven bets out $180. Beautiful, right? I shove after him, and he instacalls flipping over A7.

WHAAT? Nigga I was cruising, and he hit running sevens to beat my boat. Sickness. He was all apologetic afterwards, but wtf I’m so sure the dealer was in on this…….. SICKNESS.

FFS THEY GET SO LUCKY

Jim — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 16:08:16 +0000

OKAY WAS PLAYING A LOW STAKES LIVE GAME YESTERDAY – $1/$2 NO LIMIT HOLD’EM RIGHT? OKAY SO I HAVE 45 of CLUBS AND NOBODY RAISES SO I’M ON THE BUTTON AND I RAISE IT TO 6. I GET 3 CALLERS, AND GET EXCELLENT FLOP.

Ac Kc 8c

I DECIDE TO PLAY IT AGGR AND BET AS IF I HAVE AN ACE BUT NO CLUB RIGHT, THEY CHECK, I BET 14 AND GET ONE CALLER.

TURN = BLANK.

HE CHECKS, I BET 49 (yes), AND GET A CALL.

RIVER: 3c

HE CHECKS, I CHECK. HE SHOWS Ah9c.

WAW THEY PLAY SO BAD AND THEY GET SO LUCKY.

HE CALLS ME WITH THE 9c AND THEN DECIDES NOT TO BET IT? ASSDONKS!

WHAT A F****** JOKE – QUADS QUADS QUADS

Jim — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 21:04:44 +0000

THIS DONKEY IS A FREAKING WOMAN BUT F*** THAT S***! BRAGGING ABOUT HITTING QUADS FREAKING 3 TIMES IN FREAKING FOUR DAYS IS SO GAY AS IT’S FREAKING UNFAIR. I PLAY LIKE I DUNNO LIKE TWO FREAKING THOUSAND HANDS EVERY SINGLE DAY AND I HAVE NOT HAD QUADS IN MONTHS. ANYONE WONDER WHY I LOSE MONEY OVER THESE MONTHS?

SOME PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE SO COOL. QUADS FEVER — SURE. GOOD FOR YOU, TALENTLESS B*****!

You’re not Vanessa Rousso, DONK!

GOTTOBEKIDDINGMEDONKS

Jim — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:54:44 +0000

OKAY I DONT MIND PLAYING AGAINST DONKEYS MOST OF THE TIME BUT TODAY I REALLY AM SO TIRED OF LOSING WHEN I MAKE GENIUS PLAYS THEY KEEP CALLING ME WITH LIKE MIDDLE PAIR HOW CAN THEY NOT FOLD. HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF ME PLAYING LIKE GUS HANSEN YET NOT GETTING THE RESPECT I DESERVE AS A WINNING POKER PLAYER DAMNED:

ANYWAY I HAVE A8 SUITED AND I RAISE RIGHT OKAY I GET FIVE CALLERS FLOP I MAKE NO PAIR BUT I BET I GET TWO CALLERS TURN IS NOT IMPORTAND I GO ALL-IN, GET CALLED BY 87 OFF SUIT WHO HAD PAIR OF SEVENS. WHAT A F IDIOT. 3 OUTER OMG!

PHIL LAAK IS A DONK

Jim — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:18:38 +0000

I WAS PLAYING LIVE IN LAS VEGAS LIKE A COUPLE WEEKS AGO RIGHT $25/$50 NO LIMIT GAME AND WHO ELSE BUT DONK-LOVER PHIL LAAK WAS AT MY TABLE DONKING UP THE CHIPS WITH SUPERTIGHTPLAY LIKE FOLDING AQ UTG AND SHOWING THE GUY NEXT TO HIM WHO MADE FUN OF HIM LIKE LOL I MEAN PHIL LAAK WAS BEING A DOINK.

I ENDED UP PLAYING A BIG POT WITH HIM WHEN HE HAD JJ AND I HAD AA. HE FLOPPED A JACK AND TOOK ALL MY CHIPS IN THIS HAND. HE SAID SORRY BRO AND I SAID F*** YOU MOTHERF*****. I WAS THEN THROWN OUT OF THE CASINO.

LOSERS.

OMG I’M SO SICK OF THIS

Jim — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:40:16 +0000

THIS GAME SUCKS SO MUCH I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING STRANGERS IN THE FACE. FACT/ I AM BETTER THAN ALL THESE DONKS WHO CALL MY ALL IN BETS WITH LIKE FLUSHDRAWS ON THE TURN OR WHATEVER BUT F**** THEY KEEP MAKING THEIR HANDS AGAINST ME GIVING ME MY FIRST LOSING POKER MONTH IN 9 MONTHS IN JULY.

ANYWAY. I AM STILL BREATHING AND MY BANKROLL IS STILL IN GOOD SHAPE SO TIME FOR ME TO FINALLY START TEACHING ALL THESE NOOBS AGAIN. BOOYASHAKA!

F******* SAMMY FARHA WANNABES

Jim — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 03:28:17 +0000

I FREAKING HATE THOSE DAMN NUBSHELLS TRYING TO BE SAMMY FREAKING FARHA WITH THEIR RAISY DAISY AND THEIR OK LET’S GAMBLE AND THEIR WANNA CHOP… FOR GODS SAKE GO WATCH SOME FREAKING TELEVISION OR SUMTIN’ BECAUSE IN STEAD OF LOOKING COOL LIKE SAM FARHA YOU’RE LOOKING SILLY AND HEUMEULIKE LIKE PHIL HELLMUTH!!

PLEASE GO PLAY ONLINE, AND PLEASE GO PLAY AT 0.01/0.02 TABLES SO I WON’T BE BOTHERED BY YOUR NUBBISHNESS.

ZOMG TILTAMENTS

Jim — Fri, 02 May 2008 18:15:52 +0000

OKAY SO I HAVE LIKE THE BIG BLIND AND I’M HOLDING QQ. I RAISE AFTER SIX DONKS LIMPED IN AND I GET 4 CALLERS. NICE CALL DONKS IS IN MY HEAD BUT I DONT SAY IT BECAUSE HEY THEY MIGHT HEAR IT AND KNOW I AM PROPLAYER RIGHT SO AIGHT FLOP COMES QKT. GOOD FLOP BUT NOT PERFECT SO I BET RIGHT OUT WITH LIKE 3/4 POT SIZE BET AND ONE DONKAMENTER MOVES IN FOR LIKE $200 MORE AIGHT WHO GIVES A SHIT I SAY IF HE HAS AJ I HAVE OUTS SO I PREPARE TO CALL WHEN BEHIND HIM ONE IDIOTA MOLAJA DOES AN ALL-IN CALL, HE HAD LIKE $100 SO NO BIGGIE BUT WHAT THE FUDGE RIGHT AIGHT SO ONE MORE DUDE CALLS SO I THINK TO MYSELF HE HAS AK CLUBS AS THERE WERE TWO CLUBS ON BOARD.

WITH MY QUEENS I FEEL OBLIGOTERATED TO MAKE THE CALL SO I SHOVE ALL-IN I HAD LIKE $600 AND DONKBALL WITH AK CLUBS CALLS TOO. I WAS RIGHT. ONE DUDE HAS AJ. THE OTHER ONE WITH THE $200 HAS KJ. KJ I’M NOT FREAKING KIDDING.

TURN IS AN ACE, RIVER THE FREAKING CASE KING. DONKAMENT WINS MAIN POT. I ALMOST KILLED HIM. ONE-OUTER MY ASS.

SOME DONKS REALLY ARE CLUELESS

Jim — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:40:56 +0000

CLUELESS. NO SHIT. CLUELESS.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE FUDGING CALLING MY PRE-FLOP RAISE (WHICH I ONLY DO ONCE EVERY ONE OR TWO ORBITS) WITH NINE FOUR OFF SUIT, WOULD YOU FREAKING MIND NOT MAKING A DONKAMENT STRAIGHT FREAKING FLUSH ON ME WITH A ONE-OUTER ON THE MOTHERBADGING RIVER?

I’M SO TIRED OF THIS CRAP I FEEL LIKE STRANGLING SOMEONE THROUGH THE INTERNET CABLE.

BAH!

DONKAMENTS

Jim — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 15:55:22 +0000

WAS ON A RAISING SPREE WITH SOME DONK IN PLO I HAD ACES HE HAD JACKS WE ENDED UP GOING ALL IN ON THE FLOP WITH A QUEEN ON THERE DONK MADE JACK ON THE RIVER AND HE WAS OH SO HAPPY MAN IF I COULD I WOULD STRANGLE HIM THROUGH THE INTERNETS.

DONKAMENTSSSSS